What she wont say
by sevpretty
Summary: What if she was ill, what is their was so much more about her,that she just didnt share?


The bland off white wall held, some sort of comfort. As the chair squeaked in minor protest, being that it was used by her so often.

A single piece of Art hung on the tan walls with in a large frame. Antique frame worth more than the 'art' its self, an ordinary white paper. Crayon and color markers, a child's work. Its value sentimental . Ami had made it years ago . Proof that her mother Dr Waters loves her.

"Miss Tsukino "it was bad sign being called in by your formal name_._

_This couldn't be good news.._ _Should have come in after ordination_ was her fledding thought.

Without being told she lead the way down the hall into a soft pink exam room , and hopped up on the crackle wax paper covered table. Years ago her and Dr. Waters agreed that this would be the room they would always use for her, when she had been a child the pink walls made her feel less _panicked._

"Tell me how are you feeling this morning? " Nurse Kelly asked her standard sepal.

"Like I am dying, same as always" the narrow eyes and angry expression wasn't the best look on the pretty nurse's face. It wasn't the best joke she knew either, but it was the truth shit felt like shit. **Everyone **in the office knew she was going to die; it was why she had been coming three days a dam week starting at the age of four right after Sammy's birth.

"Serena." it was a warning they had gone over it once a week as long as she could member the answer was meant to be new symptoms.

" short of breath , dizzy and hungry " why did it even matter ? No One every understood what she had or how to fix it, refusing treatments after she turned sixteen, only because she was old enough to have a say. Being sick to get better didn't seem to hold logic, even more so when the treatments made it worse.

"Early this morning, what's is your day holding Ser?" Dr Waters inquired, as she walked in the room, Stethoscope out all ready on her spine. "I've got intro to chem and matter in about 20mins , just wanted this out of the way first." quick answer. Deep breath in long exhale.

"Still trying to pull off high school and two college degrees'?"

"yep yep"

Dr Waters is one of the few people to know she'd finished and received a diploma in middle school but still went every day, because she wanted to be normal. Being Sailor Moon and the moon princess, all of that on top of dyeing. Funny how words like _'NORMAL' _and healthy, left bitter taste in her mouth. She didn't even know what normal would feel like.

_"__sounds_ like your lungs are retarding fluid_ " _shifting threw the file that the nurse left out she commented on shortness of breath and how if anything should happen come to the ER where she was all day. About how another draining might may be necessary soon. Serena cringed at the idea. Draining meant a large tube jammed in threw her ribs in to her chest. Of all the things she had done that was the most painful. Quietly agreeing to do as she was told. After all Dr Waters was the only one keeping her out of the intensive care unit .

" Were all done for this morning Ser but you're going back to five visits a week"

"Five!" She protested "we only just got back down to THREE!"

The stern look she received was enough to stop her voice from anymore comments. Having seen it before, Serena knew it meant 'push a little farther and you'll be in the hospital again'.

After a moment she nodded excepting her fate.

"Ill be bringing in a second set of eyes for your case, He'll be here on our next visit lets say Wednesday? Three, after school?' She left the room with out giving a moment to fight about the addiction to these appointments, let alone the time. The doctor knew that she would make all of appt the threat of being traped in a hospital was the best weapon she could every use. It worked too every time.

Running out the back door she rushed to class, hair streaming behind her. No one knew that her escape from the world was school.

Thump! "Watch it meatball head could have killed me!" An ever handsome Darien sniped out.  
>" Not likely, it would have killed me first !" <em>the truth of that freighting. If she had hit much harder it ... <em>lost in her thoughts she stood numb quite lost in her own mortality.

**Darian ***

Staring down at the pensive expression on her face, _every day this girl slams into me_. Sad look she has hidden behind her fake smiles_. _

_I wonder if she really fools any one_. What could be the matter that she tries so hard to hide it all. _Why is she just standing there?_

Moments pass as he studied her petit face and body, small breast, narrow hips flowing golden hair.

_Crap I've got to get to Dr. Waters office to pick up the files she wants me to review_

" shouldn't you be in class?"

" what do you care! Jerk. " _okay she's snapped out of it_, stepping around her as she set up on a run to get where every it is she goes blonde tresses streaming behind her

"Where do you go Meatball head?" he mused aloud as he walked off the direction she had come. This would be his case for the month. Being brought. In by doctors all over as a specials was what he always wanted. To help others, to change lives for the better. This next one would be a Duz-e he'd been told that many had been brought on to the case only to have dropped it out of sheer hopelessness.

_What is her name, meatball heads name, I've never even asked." _

**For the purpose of this story, Serena and Darien never remembered who the other was after the battle with Barrel, they went back to fighting, but Tuxy always saves her this way she had time to age, without being a child dating an adult.**

" Why do we have to wait on her Lita! You know she's going to be late like always!" Aggravated Rei could be heard threw out the arcade, after a moment the chatter went back to a low roar. Patrons who frequented the Crown were used to the outbursts from the far back table.

With a tray filled with food Motoko appeared ,

"I've got your usual here ladies , Fries and hot sauce for Rei, veggie tray for Amis, chicken salad for Lita , and Earl grey tea with biscuits for Mina." naming each plate as he set them down just because they came in all the time didn't mean that they always wanted the same things. But he knew from the way Rei had shouted it was better to just feed them than wait for them to order.

Hopefully Serena would show soon, or he would have to call her father. Gulping mentally he didn't want to do that; the last time Ser nearly killed him, the look she had given him was out of a serial killers hand book. It was part of the reason she was allowed to frequent the Crown an agreement he had made with her father all thoughts year ago.

**Flash Back**

It had been a Monday the slowest day when all the kids were in school. Motoko had considered closing Intel two when the students were released but a few business men were having coffee at various tables, He'd decided ageist it. Some patrons were better than none. Wiping down the bar for the umpteenth time caught in thoughts of Rita, he spaced out. Motoko had only seen him out of the comer of his eye sight, talking with one of his new hires. There was no look of worry or fright on her little red headed face so he let them talk drifting back to Rita…

"Motoko…? UUUWho.." she waved her hand in front of his face.

"Huna? What ..?

"That man " she point to the one he had seen talking with her " He wants to talk with you"

"Is something wrong_?" what could she have done his only be here five minutes.._

"Nope, just needed to talk with the owner is all, I don't know why he wouldn't tell me."

Placing the rag under the counter he strode over confidence he had learned from Darien.

"I am Motoko, owner of the Crown, may I help you with something?'

As if snapping him out of a dream eyes went from glossy to sharp as knifes steel blue under what seemed like years of wrinkles and worry.

"Yes , sit my boy sit sit." doing as told he glided in across from him

"My little girl," he watched as his eyes grew wet, confused as to what this mans daughter had to do with him. ".. She comes in here often" faces flashed before motokos eyes bunches of girls came in every day.

His voice was hunted hallow

"perhaps you know her, Serena ,blonde and blue eyed ?" _Motoko knew her everyone here did. She was great to have around , the it dawned on him had some thing happend to her ? Was she hurt? Why would here father be here if not._

" I know her very nice young lady , comes in every day after class, Is she all right?" Motoko worried what could he do to help her?

"Good, good makes asking this easier…." sliding a sheet of lamented paper across the table

Glancing down it was how to photos: CPR the Heimlich and a list of phone numbers and names.

"My little girl is sick, she isn't going to be better any time soon Motoko , what I need from you is a phone call if she isn't here 45min after school is let out."

"I'm sorry Sir…. I don't under understand what this has to do with me?"

" My name is Ken ,son , call me Ken" the look on his face was pensive ,obviously not sure what to say.

"she .. Serean could have an attack at any time, I just need to know if she makes it to places , her mother and I worry about whether she's all right but it never seemed right to keep her locked up in the house, we've tried cell phones but she leaves it places or refuses to answer if we call, this .." as he tapped the paper on the table " is a last resort. "

"I'll help you as much as I can , Ken… but I can't promise you anything" agreeing I as I look over the sheet .

" I'm not looking for a promise , just your best"

It had been Months before he had to use the phone number, it was four the girls had been out for a full hour and still no Serena. So he did as he had promised in three rings in Ken had answered

" Ken sir .. "

" Motoko? From the crown right?"

"Yes one in the same, I thought you should…" the phone was taken out of his hand mid sentence

"I am fine Daddy! " and was slammed on the base.

"He got to you too didn't he!" hostile voice sneered out of her pretty face

For a brief moment he considered lying to her that calming incenses would be the best course of action

The hurt in her eyes made him reconsider

"when ! .. Doesn't matter really; do not ever call again, do you hear me EVER!" eyes blazing, frame shaking as if she would leap at him at the slightest move.

In that moment he could tell she would back what she had just told him, that she wasn't joking with him.

Instantly her face softened all traces of anger gone. She looked frightened eyes wide apologetic

" I .. I am so SORRY Motoko I don't know where that came from. "shakily removed a yellow bottle from her purse and read the label frowning

"Will you ever forgive me?" pleading

The honesty in her face made it easy to do. Nodding at her seemed to be my only action, before I could get words out she threw herself at me sobbing . I held her for a while till she claimed herself down . As she pulled away I wanted to ask about what she had, I wanted to know more, wanting to help, she had become a little sister to me. It wasn't the time I knew that.

When she pulled away wiping away tears quickly becoming her usual bubbly self.

"Would you like a milk sake Ser? " Willing to try anything for she to keep smiling

" No.. I should head home Daddy will be worried"

"Okay by Serena, see you tomorrow."

She turned to leave stepping away half way to the door she returned where I was behind the counter.

She sat on a bar chair leaning close to me.

" On second thought I'll take that shake Motoko"

Mixing strawberry and chocolate I held it out to her. The Glee shown there her eyes , I watched as she drank half in mere seconds waiting for the onset of a brain freeze to hit her. It didn't.

Pulling out two more pill bottles she popped them in her mouth and kept drinking.

"Ask me what you want to know "

Even then I knew this would be the only chance I would get to get details.

"What do you have exactly ?"

" they don't know for sure , I've had more tests done than Sailor V fans."

" What did you take just now?"

" Pain meds, and some for blood presser."

" how long have you been sick Serena ?"

" awhile now actually , I was eight when it started"

"why didn't you tell me?" I could fell pity radiate off of me, she was too lively but how much of it was an act? Why didn't she tell me herself I saw her every day . We talked every time.

" I didn't say anything because I don't want to be looked at like that Motoko. I don't want you to pity me, I hate it! Hate causing other people worry when they can't do anything to fix it. "

That was logical, so like her to worry about others.

"well like I said daddy will be worried I've got to go now, thanks for the shake. " looking pointedly at me

" I'll see you tomorrow Motoko" it was a promise. Her word.

***End Flash Back**

_**There is Swearing in this Chapter.**_

Coughing … Coughing… gasps.. Cough … gasp…

Serena stumbled into the ally, trying to get off of the packed sidewalks.

As she fought to breathe, battling the oncoming group of people shoving and crowding her as they went in the way she had come. Thoughts crossed her mind:

_I shouldn't have fought so hard about the thoracocentesis , she said this would happen!_ GASP …_ fuck! I am alone here no one knows where I am. I shouldn't have stayed so long… shouldn't have been late to the meeting._

Dizzily she dumped her hand bag out the grown; she knew that she would be out cold very soon if she didn't receive care. Searching desperately for the pink cell phone her father had given her months earlier should anything like this ever happen, funny she had been so positive, after receiving the silver crystal she wouldn't need to use the phone. Intel today, she had been getting better. Holding down the #1 key it called her mother's cell. Tunnels blacking out her sight. Bodies walking around her, No one stopped to check if she was okay.

"momma.." Gasp..

"SER! where are you baby ?"

cough .. whezzing

_Maybe ..she went home gods let her be home_. He chanted to himself over and over.. _just maybe _

" Tsukino home"

" Is Serena there?"

Silence rang threw the headpiece, echoed louder than any bell ever could ever be, the absents of sound gave him the answer he needed. Striking fear into him.

"no she's not may I ask whose calling" Sammy voice lifted an octave hope it was just a friend from school. That it wasn't one of the check-ins their father had set up for her. His sister was getting better; she was only going a few days in a week now. _SHE IS BETTER ! _his mind screamed at him. Or perhaps it was his heart begging.

" This is Motoki from…."

"SAMMY QUICK" clack clank phone dropped slamming into the table its base sat on.

"grab the bag"

Swash and then they slam of the door could be heard. Then nothing… silent. The other side of the line was silent.

"Sammy ?" Motoko voice was small, filled with fright.

"Sam" he repeated

"SAMUAL!" yelling into the receiver. When no answer came he slowly hung up the phone scared out of his mind. In an instant his mind put its self to work, Scrambling out of the back room he tore of his apron and collided into the scouts table.

Four sets of eyes snapped to his face..

_**dun dannn... ill update soon promise!**_

She felt the shaking of her knee , heard the soothing voice only a mother could have. Calling out to her .Waking her from sleep.

Feeling rumpled and sore all over she lifted her eyes , butterfly flapping its wing thick blonde lashes parted to Sky blue sapphire eyes. "Momma?" Serena was stunned to find the Queen at the foot of the bed rubbing her shin. The look of a truly frightened parent, creases around the eyes, purple rings showing the lack of sleep she was suffering from. She was _ALIVE _flesh and blood touching her. "Serenity" the queen gasped in a whispered breath. Throwing herself at the now wide wake princess, sobs racked the older woman shaking them both. With natural ease Serena smoothed out the queens hair , her memories couldn't count the number of time the Queen had done the same to her, or even the times she had done so to small lady… _small lady? who? _Before she could get caught into her thoughts the Queen was recomposing herself, wiping tears from her eyes as she sat upright

Regal and strong once more.

"Andrew, nourishment please ." Her call echoed thru the room. It caused a smirk to appear _"one of our blood mustn't ever shout my dear, the damages it could .."_ So many rules the young princess lived by made most people's head spin . Lectures and speeches she had heard concerning what could and couldn't be done were among the 100 thousands. "Why is it when I directly tell you not do something you go and do it? Mmmm? It was quite simple this time I thought. Do Not go to earth. That was all" Taking the moment to look a her mother she could see now the stress she had caused the wrinkles in her clothing the half pined buns in her hair. How limp the bangs sat on her face, crescent moon marking hardly even visible. Even with studying her, her words were nearly missed. " I could have lost you, like your father." sucking in air she continued with more force " If your senshi hadn't fallowed you there .." regaining herself, voice of the queen she was strong " if they hadn't brought you home as quickly as they did we would not be here. YOU would not be here Serenity. We of the Moon are not made to be on the surface of earth. Don't you see my child?" lifting up there entwined hands as if to show her how shallow and truly lifeless her own had become. And they had, the blue veins underneath seemed to pop out, as if a tree had place its roots on flesh, some thin and papery where others were large and spongy. There was a grey cast to it, remind her slightly of the Shitennou uniform. " Why didn't you leave once you understood you couldn't breathe there!"

Her mother's question struck a chord . Why hadn't she left? it seemed silly now the need to explore farther, to see the earth prince once more, knowingly at the risk of her own life.

Hanging her head down in shame, she did what she had always done ,she was honest " I..I don't know mama, once I was able to move with the gravity I … I don't know" before Mother could respond. Andrew was walking toward her with a smoothie

"Drink up little Sis ." Andrew stated placing a hand on the queen's shoulder, she didn't stiffen or move way, just looked at him with a week smile. _Why can't I be like my brother ? He would never worry Mama so. _The sweet taste of strawberry burst into her mouth, surprised at how badly she wanted to gulp the whole thing down. It eased the tension she didn't know she was feeling Intel it was being washed away with Moon Silk.

**For the purpose of this story Moon silk is: a water from the lake of Serenity, which feeds the beings of the moon. The only real substance that fills them so they are satisfied, and gives them proper substance. Often served as a shake. **

Arms and hands filling out to there normal slender form. So absorbed in drinking, she barley caught her brother reassuring their mother to go and rest. For the remainder of the day in tell it was night at lest. Receiving a quick peck on the forehead was her mother's goodbye, though Ser didn't stop drinking she smiled up, as the Queen left the room. Glancing at her brother she noticed just how much he looked like thier father King of the Sun. Gleaming eyes, and yellow gold hair. Yet some how just like mother and her self, pale and tall. "Ser .." it was coming now. She knew the amount of trouble she was in, mother had gone easy on her for this reason .Suddenly she fell unable to drink. Shame washed over her for a second time, that afternoon. "why? You know the reckless-ness of going there WHY! I just don't understand, its nothing that the other planets don't have, nothing there you haven't seen. Finish Drinking now." sucking up the last bit it place the glass neatly down on night stand nearest to her. Pinching the breach of his nose he sighed "it's the prince isn't it?" there wasn't a question in this tone he knew the truth of it, the two had been friends for longer than anyone really knew. " He has to come here from now on understood!" Silence of the room scared her, _Come here? To the moon? _In a softer tone he called to her as he left her rooms " Get dressed would ya? The people need to see that there future queen is well, Oh and your senshi are waiting for you."

As the dream or memory rather faded away she could hear ,the sound of beeping in the foreground. Turning her head from the noise that seemed WAY to loud. the sight of four angry sets of eyes. Mina and Rye where in her face, where Ami and Lita's were gleaming from behind medical charts, obvious too was that the charts belonged to Serena. Closing her eyes before a word was utterd.

~~Serena's Hospital Room~~

Even from within the medicated sleep she could _feel _the silver glow of the full moon streaming in the window, healing her from within her very soul. Crystal absorbing all of the power it could, but even with positive glow, the sear gravity of the earth was too heavy for her eye lids. Trapping her within the false sleep. Awake but unable to move, effort of breathing was excruciatingly painful. Beeping gave away the where of her location. Soft voices gave the answers as to who was around her. Forcing her thoughts to focus past the pain, _So much easier to kill Yuma _was the bitter truth. Refocusing, trying to make words of the sounds around her, she could heard the voices separating the tones of sound into words.

Each one had the harsh sound of anger, and freighting peace and startling familiarity.

"You know very WELL she wont"

"She must"

"Isn't there something, any thing I will not leave bunny here this way…So Helpless!"

" She dose NOT know us Haruka , what will you say to the Inners when they come back from the cafe? ? Mmm"

"Patients, and time are all she requires"

The argument was about her. That much Serena understood and about her Senshi returning.

_Who were they? What do they mean by Inners?_

Struggling desperately to open her eyes, to place the voices that her soul screamed to greet. Visions of the past flashed in her mind:

*Sitting shotgun , diving with the top down in a yellow corvette, flying with the **Wind **around the winding hill top road **_Uranus _**in the drivers seat grin so wide the Cheshire cat would have been envious.

* Feet in the **Ocean waves **crashing at her legs eerily sound of violin as _Neptune _play somewhere off to the right.

*****Standing under a massive oak tree at peace of knowing all ,feeling **Time **stand still and leaves sit in mid fall above ground at her will. **_Pluto_**.

With the swift strength of a Queen, unlocking her mind understanding hit her, they were her Senshi too. The three who chose to keep their memories to live on and guard the Earth, with the pain of death fresh in their minds.. Where the inners received a fresh start _three? _As quickly as she understood who was they were, she was anxious. Her youngest guard was missing, her most deadly Saturn. _How old is she now? Is she still with Dr. to….._

No sooner than the will to panic accord to her, did the silver glow stop. Covered by some sort of shadow, _no! no! clouds uncover the moon ! _The new found strength leaving with the light, quickly ebbing from her body. Royal Crescent moon gleamed in defense of the dark a natural reaction occurring without control .

" LOOK ! "

" She calling out !"

"wha.."

Speed swifter than any human could have, Hakaru was touching Serena, and like a sponge to water, the Princess absorbed the Wind senshi's power connecting their minds.

_Uncover the MOON ! Uranus…_

Quickly as the contact occurred, A blast of uncontrolled energy tossed Uranus into an unsuspecting Neptune both nearly toppling down. Only to be stetted onto their feet by the ever prepared Pluto with her staff. Absorbing energy from a senshi was both dangers and often can with random side effects, and nearly never did what it was planned to do.

The life force from Uranus' contact, filled her lungs with air, without the discomfort of fluid. Serena relished the ability to truly inhale and Sigh without coughing . It was like emerging from the bottom of the pool after being under water too long. Brilliant yellow energy blew the hair off of Serena's forehead, cooling the fever that warmed her. Stolen energy allowed her the strength to left her eyes, seeing the attack fly from the window and out into the night sky, scattering away the clouds as it went. Yellow light was replaced by Silver of the moon.

Low chuckling seeped out of wind senshi.

" You never could deal with the power of the wind Ser" gentle teasing of Pluto was the first comment directed at her.

Laughs were coming from all three of them at this point.

Weekly smiling was all the Serena could manage, the power had helped, but she still felt as if weeks of charging were needed.

_How long have I been out?_

Uranus laughing eyes went still. Teasing gleam gone, perhaps it was that the fact that the young princess didn't have the power still, to use her voice? Or the truth of telling her she had been out cold, nearly a month .. Brought back the reality of the hospital room.

_Twenty four nights now . .. Bunny, they were sure you were a goner this time. Its been a full cycle . _

_**( Cycle is going to refer to the moon phases EC: full moon waxing moon and so on. ) **_

_A full cycle. _

Even threw the link her voice was weak -frightened , she hadn't before noticed the numberless tubes she was connected to, or given thought about Outers even being in the hospital room. Being here near her risking the inners memories, their anger. She wasn't able to help the frightened pleading expression that was sent Pluto's way. Begging without words for Hakaru to be wrong, to have lied. Nothing more than a steady nod was given. The strength behind it ate at her.

_a cycle ? How could it have gotten this way? When did I stop pay attention to have let it get this far? Why isn't the crystal healing me?_

_I am my bones …. so much pain !_

Noticing that steady beeping had stopped… so had the pain. Release from forcing herself to breath, easing the tight clench of her jaw, Serena sucked in air. Regaining herself, Serena noticed a hand touching her Iv twisted forearm. Long ebony finger smoothing over blue veins. In a voice not her own thoughts washed over her

_Be still my Queen , stop the world the way we did all though summers ago. _

_Hold the leaves still in your mind as I lend you my power._

Energy flowed through removing the aches and pains Uranus power had not gotten ride of.

With the sweetness only the Moon family could poses and still be stern at the same time Serena spoke in to Pluto's mind

_I have yet to take the thrown, my dear senshi, as I have always told you Serenity is title enough my dear friend._

_As you will it. _With a nod Pluto backed away standing near her pervious location. It did not escape the rightful queen that neither her name nor title was not used in the response she was given, but that was the way of the solider of time. Caught in what was to be and what is, she tastefully seemed to be of neither.

As time started up. Neptune stepped forth, fingers grazing the sheets blue energy leaking from her finger tips, soothing frayed nerves. It was cut short by the voices in the hall getting closer. Four sets of eyes snapped to the door, no one quite wanted the Inners to suffer from receiving all their memories, losing the Shitennou , again was not going to be easy for them to overcome in hospital of all places. Let alone because of the Outers. Uranus stiffened, ready to strike if necessary, it was for not, a cold metal object was set in Serena's hand With it Neptune was moving toward the window leaping for the unseen fire escape that must have been there, whispered words that were under stood without saying.

Find them when she was out of this place.


End file.
